Why Social Connection Matters for Autistic Adults

Oct 16

Four adults standing side by side, smiling at a camera

When people talk about autism services, the conversation often centers on children. We often hear about early identification, school, therapy, IEPs, and parenting. Those things are important. But autistic children grow up.

At AFO, we try to continually remind people that autism is lifelong, and the need for friendship, belonging, recreation, advocacy, and community does not disappear when someone turns 18. In fact, for many autistic adults, finding meaningful opportunities for connection becomes harder. Making friends as an adult is difficult for many people.

Once school ends, many of the built-in opportunities to regularly spend time with the same group of people disappear. Work schedules, transportation, family responsibilities, finances, and fewer organized social opportunities can all make it harder to build new relationships. Autistic adults may experience additional barriers. Traditional social settings can be loud, crowded, unpredictable, and full of unwritten rules. There may be pressure to make small talk, keep up with rapid group conversations, maintain eye contact, or behave in ways that feel more socially typical.

When that happens, socializing can become exhausting instead of enjoyable. Many autistic adults also talk about masking. Masking can look like forcing eye contact, suppressing stimming, rehearsing conversations, monitoring facial expressions, hiding sensory discomfort, or trying to mimic the behavior of people around them.

For some people, that takes tremendous energy. That is one reason spaces created with autistic and neurodivergent adults in mind can feel so different. The goal should not be to teach adults how to appear less autistic. The goal should be to create places where people can connect without feeling like they have to perform.

We also know there is no single "right" way to socialize. One person may love a large event and talk to everyone in the room. Another may prefer spending most of the evening with two people. Someone may jump into an activity immediately, while someone else may want to watch for a while before joining. Some people may talk throughout an event. Others may simply enjoy being in the same space with people who share their interests.

All of those can be valid forms of participation. We have found that shared activities can make connection easier. Game nights, art, karaoke, trivia, movies, recreation, holiday activities, museums, outdoor events, and other experiences give people something to do together without requiring constant unstructured conversation. Over time, seeing familiar people again and again allows friendships to develop more naturally.

Accessibility also matters. An event may sound inclusive, but if it is extremely loud, crowded, expensive, unpredictable, or difficult to get to, it may still be inaccessible to many people. Sensory accessibility is part of that. Providing advance information about noise, lighting, crowds, seating, activities, and what attendees can expect can make a big difference.

Financial accessibility matters too. Some autistic adults experience employment barriers, have limited incomes, receive disability-related benefits, or face additional transportation and healthcare costs. Free and low-cost activities can make social opportunities available to people who might otherwise be left out. We also believe autistic adults should have a real voice in shaping programs designed for them.

Ask people what they actually want to do. Ask what makes an event comfortable. Ask what keeps them from attending. Ask what they would change. Autistic adults are the experts on their own experiences, and programs are stronger when organizations listen.

AFO's adult socials were built around that idea. Our goal is not to provide therapy or teach social skills. It is to create opportunities for autistic and neurodivergent adults to spend time together, try new activities, build friendships, and be themselves. Some people come because they want to meet new friends. Some come because they enjoy the activity. Some simply like being in a space where they feel understood. All of those reasons matter.

Through AFO's Advocacy & Community Engagement Program, we also create opportunities for autistic Oklahomans to participate in advocacy, attend community events, share their experiences, and help shape conversations that affect their lives. That includes our adult socials, Autism Advocacy Day at the State Capitol, the Unmasking Autism with AFO podcast, and other year-round advocacy and engagement efforts. Social connection is not optional. It is part of quality of life.

Autistic adults deserve opportunities not just to receive services, but to make friends, have fun, participate in their communities, advocate for themselves, and belong. If you are an autistic or neurodivergent adult looking for opportunities to connect, use the links below to check AFO's events calendar for upcoming socials and community activities.